You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
