shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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