We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
