this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
