she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
