maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize