hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
