I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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