Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
