Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tornado booty call.. dedication
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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