Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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