You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
