you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
4 words: hood of his car
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
