how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Randomize
