so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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