She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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