A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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