Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
