Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
