her vagine was all disorganized.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
