That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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