Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
third nipple confirmed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
