VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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