haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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