He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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