Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
