if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
