I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
