I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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