Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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