I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize