if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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