I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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