he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
love makes seman taste better
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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