Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
