i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
