my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize