Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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