We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
