Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
