New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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