I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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