Yo dont text me then not text me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
