Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
