you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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