Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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