So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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