i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You ate ashes out of my bong
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
