The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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