hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
