Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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