I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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