Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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