How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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