it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
