I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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