he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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