I think i peed on brittanys purse
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
