Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We are two peas in an std pod
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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