i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts