Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
