There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Send help, water and tortillas.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?