He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?