I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.