On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize