it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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