you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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